Cooking can be great therapy, but do you need therapy just to get cooking? Our expert is here to help.
By Alma Schneider

Novice cooks? Non-cooks? Shy Chefs? Differently-kitchenly-abled? Whatever we call someone who has no clue when it comes to being competent in the kitchen, it is possible to overcome your cooking obstacles and realize your domestic-goddess
dreams.

As a clinical social worker and founder of consulting business Take Back the Kitchen, I help people overcome their practical and psychological blocks to cooking. Yes, cooking—or lack thereof—can be a deep and sometimes troubling issue for many of us, especially women.

I am often asked why it is necessary to cook when there is so much prepared food readily available out there. Well, first there’s health: Isn’t it ironic that in such a seemingly health-conscious country, there seems to be a disproportionately small number of people who actually cook healthy food from home on a regular basis? Cooking from scratch allows us to know exactly what is going in to our food and, in turn, in to our bodies.

Then there’s economics (more important than ever right now): It is much less expensive to shop and cook from home than it is to buy ready-made food from supermarkets or takeout from restaurants. That’s just basic dollars and sense.

And there’s love: Who doesn’t feel taken care of and nurtured when someone cooks them a great meal? Through food and cooking, we pass down family stories and recipes, which are, in a way, heirlooms in themselves. In addition, for moms out there, modeling cooking behaviors for children can help them learn skills to be self-sufficient in the kitchen in their adult lives. And if you involve your family in making meals, you’ve turned a seemingly stressful “obligation” into family bonding.

So, how then, do we actually embark on our cooking journey? Like any kind of therapy, cooking therapy is a process. We have to be ready to work on our issues or else we may not be able to fully benefit from the help offered to us. Just as every individual is different, so are our various histories and challenges. There are many common themes that arise in my work with novice cooks. See if you can find yourself in these depictions and start taking your first steps to culinary literacy.

Lack of Cooking Education: Your idea of a home-cooked meal is takeout from your favorite restaurant or Thanksgiving at Mom’s.

Some people were never taught how to cook and/or had family members who served them ready-made food all the time. For this reason, cooking seems foreign to them. So, let’s not dwell on the past and, instead, look to the future. If this is your situation, you can start your cooking journey by thinking about your incentives to cook. Once you can identify why it is important to cook (see above), it will make the process more doable because you will be reminded of why you are embarking on this potentially arduous journey in the first place.

First think about what kind of foods you like to eat in restaurants. Italian? Chinese? French? The next step is to find simple recipes for these preferred types of cuisine. You can look through cookbooks and magazines or ask friends, depending on your personal learning style. You’ll often find it’s easier to duplicate than you think. Love Mexican? At-home enchiladas take about 30 minutes start-to-finish and require about five ingredients.

Easily Distracted: You multi-task at work, juggle conference calls, emails and text messages at once, and constantly change your hairstyle.

If this is your issue, you need to respect that these are your challenges and not try to be Superwoman in the kitchen immediately. Accept and own who you are and take the necessary steps to make the process a success. This might mean attempting to cook when you have no distractions, when you feel most at peace. Try breaking down a recipe into many parts—ingredients, mixing, cooking, serving—and only prepare one part of the dish at a time so as not to get overwhelmed. If you have kids, you may need to make sure they are out of the house or glued to the TV when attempting to cook.

Creative Genius (In Your Mind At Least): You always have ideas and take initiative in every aspect of your life. The problem with this is that it may be hard for you to take criticism or follow instructions.

Many of us don’t like being told what to do but in reality, maybe it’s just that we prefer not to follow rules. In order to cook, however, it is important that you stick with the program, and then get creative once you have the basics down. This is true in many art forms such as learning drawing technique or music theory, and applies perhaps even more when there are hot surfaces involved (and dinner at stake). If you take the time to learn some basic skills by following basic instructions, you will have more successful cooking experiences that will inspire you to cook more. And the more familiar you are with the basics, the sooner you can infuse your own creativity into your meals without producing an inedible concoction.

Culinary Feminist: You’re independent, career-minded and proud of your own success. While you love a good home-cooked meal, why should you be the one to cook it?

Some women have no desire to be “tied” to the kitchen but struggle with wanting to be healthy and self-sufficient. The trend to not teach cooking was prevalent in our parents’ generation, because they wanted what they thought was the best for us women—to be career minded, self-sufficient girls who did not have to be prisoners of the house. This well-intended direction, however, led many women to throw the baby out with the pasta water, so to speak. Many women were left with no cooking skills and the idea that any domesticity was a pull away from the more cerebral role of working outside the home. Some women even resent that their partners expect them to cook, but also feel embarrassed because they cannot provide healthy meals for their families on a consistent basis.

To deal with this conflict, it is important to explore how you were raised in the context of cooking and what you feel is important now with regard to health, economics and nurturing. Many women find that to be equipped with the skills to cook makes them more independent and allows them to be creative and resourceful. All of these qualities are those of a liberated woman!

Perfectionist: A world without type-A, obsessive order is no world for you.

I daresay every woman has a bit of the perfectionist in her. It’s what helps her manage the innate juggling act that is modern female life. When everything is in perfect order, it can be scary to try something new. These women would rather avoid even attempting to cook than try and fail. If they never try, they’ll never be expected to produce. If, however, she shifts mental gears and thinks about cooking as a skill like driving (who would ever attempt driving without lessons?) she may be more forgiving of her mistakes and see how easy it is to improve with a little practice.

No matter your real or perceived limitation, everybody is capable of cooking for herself, and most who try wind up loving it. So get started now! The following are a couple of easy recipes that will hopefully give you some instant cooking gratification. Good luck!

Maple Soy Marinade
This sauce can be used as a salad dressing or a delicious marinade for chicken or hearty fish like salmon and halibut

1/4-cup canola oil
1/4-cup maple syrup
1/8-cup rice vinegar
3 tbs. soy sauce
1/2 tsp. sesame oil

Whisk (or stir with a fork) all ingredients in a bowl. Add meat and refrigerate for as little as 10 minutes, or as long as overnight. Cook meat using your preferred method—pan fry, bake, George-Foreman Grill: whatever!

Collard Greens with Pine Nuts and Raisins
Collards are cheap, easy to prepare and soo good for you!

1 bunch washed, chopped and dried Collard Green Leaves (stems trimmed)
1 handful pine nuts (preferably pre-toasted)
1 handful golden raisins
2 tbs. grated Parmesan cheese
1-2 tbs. olive oil
Salt to taste

Heat 1tbs. of olive oil in a large pan. When oil is hot, add chopped Collards and sauté for a few minutes until they start to wilt a little. Add a pinch of salt and stir. Throw in the raisins and cook until soft. Remove from pan and top with pine nuts and grated cheese.

Alma Schneider is a clinical social worker, personal chef and mother of four. She started a blog and consulting business called Take Back the Kitchen, which helps people overcome their practical and sometimes psychological obstacles to cooking.

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Tags: Being A Siren, cooking, domestic goddess, therapy

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 21st, 2008 at 3:59 pm and is filed under Being A Siren. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.