What You Didn’t Know About Female Ejaculation
Few sex acts are still a conversational or cultural taboo—except this one. By Haasim Mahanaim
During a recent episode of “Californication,” Hank Moody (David Duchovny) runs into a woman he had a one-night-stand with. She’s beautiful and he can’t recall why he didn’t pursue her. Yet, he is vaguely aware of something unpleasant that happened between them. They end up having another sexual encounter anyway. And as the night reaches its climax, Hank remembers why he never called her back: she’s a squirter.
That episode presented a rare acknowledgement of female ejaculation in pop culture—and it was a negative one. “Sex and the City” did bring it up (during Samantha’s lesbian “phase,” in itself somewhat offensive), but it was played for laughs—not education. These few pop-culture representations of this very-normal, rarely-acknowledged sexual fact, seem to illustrate that many people would rather not think about it—and hardly anyone actually does it.
But that’s far from the truth. We asked sex therapist Dr. Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a fellow at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, and Crystal Rivers (who’s made a career talking about and doing the deed), to shed some light on this issue.
It’s Definitely Not Urine
“The fluid emitted at orgasm is likely more similar in consistency, smell, appearance, and texture, to seminal fluid,” says Dr. Needle. “Therefore, women who are worried that they are urinating when they are producing fluid during arousal or orgasm, should be reassured that it is a perfectly healthy, hygienic, and a normal response to sexual stimulation.
“It’s important for women who do ejaculate to not feel badly and worried that they might be urinating,” Dr. Needle adds. “This can inhibit a woman and will certainly make it more difficult for a woman to enjoy her sexuality.”
It’s Still a Mystery
References to squirting have appeared, vaguely, in literature and science texts over the centuries. Yet, there’s still very little known about female ejaculation.
“Female ejaculation has been a topic of debate for more than 50 years,” says Dr. Needle. “Those who have both studied and observed the emission of fluid during ejaculation have linked female ejaculate to the Skene’s glands, which has been referred to as the female prostate. Why one women emits fluid, or more fluid, at orgasm while others do not, has been speculated to be a result of fundamental anatomical differences among women.”
It’s Not a Lubricant
“As far as we know, the fluids emitted at orgasm do not have any lubricating significance,” says Dr. Needle. “Also, more lubrication is not equivalent to greater orgasmic intensity or pleasure, and emitting a fluid is not sufficient evidence for greater arousal or more pleasure.”
Ejaculation can also vary in volume—ranging from a barely noticeable trickle to a full-blown outpour of fluid.
It Can Be Pleasurable for Both Men and Women
“I rarely encounter men who are indifferent to it,” says Rivers. ”Either they love it, or they hate it. I find it interesting to note the types of men who fall into those categories. Once a guy has experienced being with a squirter, they are usually sold on it. The ones that have had no experience with it at all are usually skeptical or somewhat repulsed by the idea—convinced that female ejaculate is really just urine. But, I usually set the record straight for them.
It’s Not Necessarily the “Ultimate Orgasm”
“Popular media implies that orgasms accompanied by ejaculation are more intense and thus more enjoyable,” says Dr. Needle. “However, there is no evidence that an ejaculatory orgasm is necessarily indicative of greater or lesser sexual response. Therefore, there is no reason why women should feel inadequate if they do not ejaculate. Significant differences exist between women in regard to arousal and their own awareness of it. Most women do not ejaculate with orgasm. However, many women do.”
It Can Be Learned
“I found out about squirting when I was about 20 years old,” says Rivers. ”It honestly didn’t take me that long to learn after I started trying.”
Some popular techniques include: stimulating the G-spot with varying levels of pressure and speed; varying the position of your body during stimulation; and surrendering to the urge to urinate … since you are most likely about to ejaculate instead, rather than pee. “The most important hurdle is realizing that you can do it,” says Rivers.
Was this article informative and helpful? What other sexual issues, rumors or stereotypes would you like SirensMag to investigate? Let us know!
Haasim Mahanaim is a freelance writer and blogger.
Tags: female ejaculation, Sex, sex therapy, sexual health, squirting
October 24th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
I haven’t seen that episode of Californication, but that’s really horrible.
I didn’t ejaculate properly until I was 26 – I think because I was subconsciously restraining myself. After my current partner pointed it out and showed me an article on Skene’s glands I was able to ejaculate much more. He finds it really arousing because it’s a sign of my pleasure so he knows he’s doing something right!
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
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January 24th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Discovering my wife’s ability to ejaculate broke down so many hangups we both had about intimacy – we’re both much more open to try things we were a little timid about while trying to find new ways to help her ejaculate. We often laugh that we made such a big deal out of her discomfort with me coming in her mouth, my discomfort with her enjoyment of light anal stimulation to intensify her orgasms, and our mutual shyness about trying new things together. and it all goes back to the first few times she ejaculated. Seeing how much she enjoys ejaculating is a turnon for me, and it’s now exciting to watch her use a small toy on her butt and ask me to put my fingers in her while she goes down on me and tells me she wants me to come on her tongue while she comes on my fingers. We never used to talk like that in bed, let alone do these things! Great discovery that’s made our sex life so much better.
February 24th, 2010 at 9:15 am
I had always thought it was just a need to pee untill i read this,now this has brought an extra kick to our sex life as he really gets a kick out off watching me and lending a hand.
March 1st, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Until I turned 38, I had never even heard of squirting. After my divorce, I met and fell in love with someone who makes me squirt/gush pretty much everytime we have sex..and it’s a lot of fluid…the first time, I did think he made me cum so hard that I peed..but it didn’t smell like pee at all.
I think I can do it with him b/c he has a big head with a thick ridge that hits my g-spot perfectly. But he can do it to me with his hands now too. Now, even after having sex at least twice a day for a year…he doesn’t stop until it happens. It feels amazing, we love it.
March 21st, 2010 at 6:30 pm
I’m 37. My husband gave me my first ejaculating orgasm recently. What he was doing to me wasn’t the normal experience we have together. It wasn’t the most powerful orgasm, but it was the most consecutive. once the jucies started flowing, it was like a flowing consistent light orgasms with several eruptions of large one’s. It felt like he could go on doing this over and over. He said he had to stop because he was developing a cramp. The bed was soaked. I had never experienced anything like this before. When I talked with my best friend about it, she told me she’d never heard of it. I tried to explain what he was doing as best as I could, but she later told me she tried it herself and it didn’t work. I’m so excited about this, that I want my best friend to experience it. I’m almost considering letting my husband do it to her while I watch/help. And no, I’m not bisexual. It was just a great experience and I can’t wait to do it again.
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:22 pm
I had my first experience of ejaculation at the age of 25, with a man who had studied tantrism and was incredibly dextrous. For the first time I felt completely free and spontaneous during sex, and it was the best experience of my life. I gushed again and again, screaming with pleasure, until the bed was completely soaked. I could keep going for hours, I couldn´t get enough. Since then I feel like I know one of the greatest secrets of the human experience.
May 4th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
the end of the drought is here horray
May 22nd, 2010 at 12:58 pm
I’ve been a “squirter” for years but don’t really talk with friends about it, maybe I should! It’s something I used to feel nervous about when starting a new sexual relationship, but have had great response from all my partners. Usually they are fascinated and love it.
My boyfriend and I have a wonderful open communication about our sexuality, this a must!! We found throw blankets (Liberator.com) that save us from flipping over the mattress and cleaning sheets constantly!
(I have noticed, while trying to find the right birth control for me, that most diminish my fluids so much – it’s sad! I’m still trying to find the right one that doesn’t squash my sex drive and juices!)
I just wish female ejaculation were talked about more in a positive way socially. As with tv shows, radio spots, comedians, porn, etc. I feel they make it seem freakish. It is normal & wonderful! And I wish everyone could experience the freedom I have found.
June 11th, 2010 at 8:22 am
I think that all those porn videos on women’s ejaculation are scam. Female ejaculation’s similar to a man’s in quantity and texture, but not in colour (much more transparent), smell or taste (not so strong as a man’s). You feel like you are urinating but you know you’re not, as the fluid is a bit viscous and remains on your crotch and legs, not wetting the bed (or the carpet or the floor…) as you were a fountain! If you do so, I’m sorry but that stream is not a ejaculation but a golden shower (when u drink lots of water ur pee turns transparent) or incontinence after sex. Sex industry is so exploted they do not know what to invent!
June 19th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
My wife is 39, she started squirting about 10 years ago. It was my first experience with a squirter, and I absolutely love it! Since then, we’ve experienced a couple of other women who do it (we occasionally swing). It’s abloslutely not urine, it’s odorless, colorless, and tasteless. Where it comes from, I don’t know, but my wife has done it immediately after empying her bladder, so it is not urine.
We put a plastic sheet down on the bed with a blanket over it when we have sex, then just pull it off when we’re done. Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to sleep on the bed.
June 26th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
oh my god!!! yes i agree with debs!!! until now ( i am 20), i thought it was a need to pee, and i have always been restraining myself, trying not to pee and get embarassed!!!! well, that was a revelation…!
June 29th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Californication is great too and involves lots of sexy stuff in this tv series.-.,
July 6th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
How many times do y’all girls ejaculate. I managed 43 times once, and I didn’t know of that was ‘normal’ or what…haha
Thanks!
July 7th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
my husband and i finally achieved my being able to squirt. actually gush. mine does not project outwards very far, but it soaks the bed. its an incredible feeling.
August 31st, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I was talking about this to two other guy friends the other day. My experience has been that at least half of the women I’ve had sex with (about thirty or so) can ’squirt’. About half out of those thirty did it once or twice, while the other half did it regularly and in large amounts. Most of the women I’ve had sex with that did not ’squirt’, were women that I did not have a continued sexual relationship with (indicating to me that they did not have time to get comfortable enough with me to do it), or they are women that have either physiological or psychological discomfort issues with sex. My guy friends thought I was crazy saying I’d been with so many ’squirters’. One of them, who I know to be quite promiscuous, said he’d never seen it at all. The other guy, also prolific in his sexual encounters, claims to have only seen it twice ever. Not to toot my own horn, but I would call it the rule, rather than the exception, in my experience. I did mention that it is possible that my friends have experienced it, but they are expecting the extreme ‘gushing stream’ that people usually mean when they bring up ’squirting’. I have found that there is a continuum of levels of the amount, and a woman can ’squirt’ (and have the same pleasurable experiences accompanying the act) though it may just be a little bit of fluid. I have experienced only two women who fully ’stream gushed’ the fluid on a regular basis, whereas I still count a small amount of liquid, but that is still enough to be clearly perceptible, as a case of ’squirting’ (if it gets on the sheets or floor, it counts). The fluid can come out like a ’stream’, rather like a super soaker, a ’splatter’, like a flower watering pot, or where there is a spread out ‘gush’ that doesn’t shoot any distance yet there is still a lot of fluid, kind of like pouring out a glass of water. All of these differences seem to be affected by both a woman’s physiological disposition, and how the penis or fingers are placed inside her vagina. The squirting ’stream’ tends to happen when the fingers or penis are removed at the moment of fluid accompanied orgasm, which indicates that the stream is then unimpeded by the fingers or penis or area around the base of the penis. The point here is that, though it may seem that a woman didn’t full on ’squirt’, it could be that she did, but the flow was stopped by the man’s fingers, penis, or pelvis. So men, don’t feel bad if you’ve never seen this phenomena, you might have made it happen without knowing for sure. And women, you’ll probably know if it happens, but you don’t necessarily have to have a stream that reaches across the room for it to count as a ’squirt’. It might have gone across the room, if his body hadn’t been there to stop it! Anyway, this was just an attempt to give some anecdotal details about my personal experiences on the subject. I hope it helps.